I've hit upon a way to deal with worry/dread/anxiety, especially of the garden variety - generalized kind. But first a disclaimer. I'm not a doc or therapist, just a guy who's learned to deal with some anxiety issues that've kept me up at night. This works for me. Will it work for you? I hope so but I really don't know. In any case, if you have something heavy going on, you'd be well advised to seek out a professional counselor.

That said, I also need to say this. I can't really take credit. My whole life I've sought help in various ways. As something of a 'seeker', I read lots of spiritual, self-help and new-age books, went to lots of seminars, did quite a few programs, and had some counseling. It was never all that effective. But decades later, now that I'm 66, something in my subconscious? synthesized it into a system. So here goes.

The way I put it is that in this society we've been taught to play a trick on ourselves. We were trained from a young age to continually keep ourselves in pain. How? Let's say you have a future event. Let's say you're in bed on a Friday night. And early next week you have something emotionally painful to deal with. Maybe a difficult person or painful medical procedure to deal with. There's NOTHING you can do about it now. But still you worry and worry. Tossing and turning. Riddled with anxiety. Why? Because you don't know how not to.

I learned from a man named Bruce Di Marsico that if you contemplate something painful in the past or future, that puts you in emotional pain now. FDR famously said: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Well, "fear itself" can be pretty scary. We could be said to be afraid of being afraid. It almost doesn't mater what originally caused the fear, once we get into a 'fear cycle'.

Okay, so how to break the cycle? I use a three step approach.

I - The cognitive Piece - Examining your beliefs about it:

    1. What do you believe about worry/dread/anxiety? Have you been taught that there's value to it? If so, can you say specifically what that value is?
    2. What are some examples of ways it is necessary or at least helpful?
  2. Can you remember where those beliefs came from or why you adopted them? Usually such beliefs are formed when we are young, sometimes before we even have language. It may be the many messages we received about the world being a dangerous place and the need to constantly protect yourself. Or we may have learned from expert worriers simply by their example. Young children are very skilled at intuiting the emotions of people they're close to. And tend to adopt the patterns those they trust exhibit.
  3. Whether you can remember how/why you adopted a specific belief or not, do you now consciously choose to keep beliving it? If so, why? Often we may not be able to remember how or why we acquired it. But having done so, maybe many years ago, we may feel like: 'well that belief must be important even if I can't remember why. And it may be dangerous to let it go. I don't want to 'topple the applecart'.
  4. for every example cited in (1-B) of how worry can be helpful, can you think of an alternative, unstressful way of accomplishing the same thing? Let's say you say that worry is helpful as a way of reminding yourself something. Reminding yourself to be careful in a certain situation, let's say. Could you maybe write out reminders on a whiteboard or in your journal or day planner? Writing is a great way of getting things out of your head and on paper.
  5. How to release a belief. Once you've decided it's okay to release the belief, even temporarily, just to test it out, or even just to soften it, that's great progress. Now here's a weird thing. I can't tell you how to release a belief. But I do know that if you're receptive to putting it aside for a time, or at least softening it, that itself reduces the power the belief holds over you. And you're ready to look at part II. The good news is that this in-depth analysis need only be done once (though feel free to revisit it if desired). You've decided make a change. You may need to remind yourself of it from time to time, but you've already done the work.

II - Being in the Present - Adopting a mindfulness mindset:

Let's return to the example given before. Friday night and you're in bed, tortured by thoughts of upcoming discomfort/pain. Ask yourself, right here and right now, is there anything to be afraid of? The mind will at once be tempted to shower you with dozens of examples of fearful things. Calmly but firmly remind the mind that you're in the here and now. Here and now, is there anything to be fearful of? Remind yourself you've already decided that fear is unnecessary.

III - Breaking the Worry Habit:

Great, you've decided to release fearful beliefs. And you've decided the best way to face them is solidly from a present moment perspective. Still, being fearful for as long as you have has caused an ingrained worry habit in the body. When you feel stress it creates a cocktail of stressful hormones to circulate throughout your bloodstream. Do that long enough and you create what could be called a biochemical habit. So how to break it?

This is the 'body' part of the equation. When you feel stress, identify where in the body you feel it. Do a head-to-toe scan and see where the pain is lodged. Breathe into it. Deliberately work to relax it. Rub your hands together a few times, then place them on that part. And breathe. Allow yourself to feel love and appreciation for that part of you. Initially it may take a good 10-15 minutes or so to relax this area of your body. Over time, as you gradually replace one habit with another, you should find that the time to relax the area of stress reduces. To the point where it may now only take a few moments, if that.